Let’s Be Honest

I haven’t written in over a week because I’ve been numb or crying or frustrated or tired or mad for no reason at all.

My life is not always sunshine and flowers. Of course, I’m just like the rest of the world. There are days when I feel like I’m falling apart.

Last week, postpartum hormones knocked me off my feet for the third time around. If only there was a way to see it coming and stop it.

It’s like an out of body experience. I see myself thinking and acting illogically. But, there is simply nothing I can do to “fix” it.

It’s a sad hopeless sort of feeling. My energy is depleted. My body hurts. Some days I feel just fine. Others, I simply sit and think of all the things I should do that I could never possibly finish. Instead of doing any of it, I do nothing. I feel like I’m walking in circles. Add three babies and homeschooling to that picture and you have one anxious girl.

I know these feelings will pass soon. I’ll be right back to myself in a matter of weeks. I’ve been reading more scripture and embracing the quiet moments when I find them. I know I need God to keep me grounded. He captures my scattered thoughts and places them gently back where they belong. He does truly bring rest to my mind. Although they are difficult, I do appreciate these sort of times. I am able to sense God’s loving touch upon me in a different way. I understand it is Him who renews my strength, even on the days I’m not watching close enough to know it needs to be renewed. I am sure, again, that I need Him.

Carefree.

It’s a new place God is taking me.

You must know He does want us to embrace and enjoy the lives He created for us.

My children and I recite this prayer in the mornings.

I thank you God 

for sleep last night. 

I  thank you God for the 

morning light.

I thank you for 

this happy day.

And help me keep it

just that way.

That is for tomorrow.

Sometimes simplicity is best.