waves and wind

“The waves and wind still know his name…” Bethel Music


Photo credit: indulgy.com/post/X9CrZUcO82/serenity

When I was a little girl, I would sit next to my mom in a small country church in Kentucky every single week. The walls were paneling and the pews were cold and hard. There were hymnals and Holy Bibles behind every seat. The room wouldn’t hold more that fifty people. They’d sing loud and uninhibited with only a piano and a voice leading them. Those people, they loved Jesus. They went to church until they died, literally. I have vivid memories of the man with the tracheostomy, 100-year-old ladies and sick people coming to the cross for healing. Age and crippling bodies didn’t keep them away. After all, Jesus and this community of like-minded believers were all that was true and eternal.

Sometimes the Spirit of God would fall and they would cry and shout. This “spirit” was God’s overwhelming presence coming to mend and love them. Tears would stream down their faces and sometimes they’d weep. They wept mostly for people they loved, lost souls. Sometimes they wept because God’s presence was so obviously answering prayers and healing their hearts. Those were tears of joy, so to speak. They were crying out to God from the depths of their hearts.

It scared me to death. I was so sure that this “presence of God” was real that I feared it would take over my body and make me cry or shout in front of people. Yep, no one had to tell me anything about Jesus. One moment around people overcome by His presence and He was REAL. Some people might look at that scenario and say it wasn’t healthy to fear God in that way as a child. But, God had shown himself 100% ever-present and real. The words to It is Well by Bethel Music sing “Far be it from me to not believe even when my eyes can’t see.” Even when I get mad and tired and frustrated, far be it that I not believe. He dug down deep a long time ago when I was a little girl and took root within my soul.

God was gentle with my heart back then. Everyone in the room would be feeling God’s presence and I would sit and take it all in. I felt it too, sitting there scared to death that God might take over my body like some sort of out of body experience. (Twenty-some years later, that has never EVER happened by the way.) But, God swarmed around me. And when I was ready, He filled me. He rested on me as a child like a dove. He whispered kind and loving words to my heart. I didn’t need to show it or even tell anyone, I held it all back for the sake of refinement.  But, God and I knew our secret. From as early as I can remember, He has been with me.

Recently, I was driving down the road listening to that song I mentioned earlier, It is Well, when I heard the words “the wind and waves still know his name.” All at once, I was reminded of these experiences I had as a young girl that I hadn’t thought about hardly ever. Honestly, those memories were filed away and destined to be forgotten. But, today, I suddenly felt a very familiar presence of God. It was a major déjà vu moment. I immediately associated it with that gentle presence of God I felt all those years ago, sitting and hiding behind a pew. It was just like being there again, back in time, face to face with the Holy Spirit.

Remarkably, God is the same as he was back then when I sat in that country church. The waves and wind still know his name because He is the same God that reached down and touched a little girl’s heart. He was there when I was formed in my mother’s womb. He was there when I was innocent and sad or didn’t understand. He was there when I made bad choices and when I turned my back on Him. He was there when I celebrated. He was there when I tried and failed. He was there in all the scary and difficult moments. His love is the only thing constant,  true and eternal, just as those believers taught me back then. He will see me through until the end. May His presence always be my dwelling place.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place
    in all generations.
 Before the mountains were brought forth,
    or ever you had formed the earth and the world,
    from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Psalm 90:1-2



HLC Women’s Retreat


In His hands are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him. Psalm 95:4

HLC Women’s Retreat starts TOMORROW! 

We are heading to the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia! From the moment the retreat was scheduled, I began praying that every women who was meant to be there would find a way to make it happen! Every time someone added, I began dreaming about all the things God had in store for them.  So, for those of you who are going, it is meant to be!

God has something fantastic waiting for you this weekend!


See you there!


what if it’s cancer

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My story is always the same. God always comes through.

My little family strives to live our lives the most obedient to God as possible. Not to say we are even near the mark because no one is ever sure. We may be completely off! I read a quote recently that went something like this… (Paraphrasing) “Just like a dad catching his child jumping into the swimming pool, God’s will moves with you. No matter how close or far that child jumps, the dad is going to move to catch him.” Isn’t God just like that! I’m jumping! I might not be jumping far enough or fast enough, but I believe God is reaching out to catch me where ever I may land! Isn’t there freedom in that statement? We don’t have to be perfect because it’s impossible!

I have a thousand stories to share about how we stepped out in faith and God provided. I always say that we are quite spoiled by this god we serve. I look back and see an overall favor upon us. We are healthy and happy and so much more.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Notice that scripture, along with many others, talks about “tribulation.” In the back of my mind, I’ve wondered how long this favor can last. I have believed in miracles. I know that God answers prayers. But, something has been looming over me that says, “bad things happen to good people.” How long can this goodness last?

My husband, David, has been ill for months. It has progressively gotten worse and we’ve been worried. A little over a month ago, we finally got in to see a fantastic family practitioner who wanted to run several test. One of those test was a CT scan. We anticipated the day as anyone would. We stated before the test, “As long as your pancreas comes back clear, everything else we can manage.” You see, David’s grandmother died at a young age of pancreatic cancer. David seemed to be displaying many of the vague symptoms of this terrible disease…..

The test went well and I left to visit family in KY. I wondered if I should leave with David being sick. Two days after being there my 7 year old developed a horrible virus that mimicked meningitis. We spend hours in the ER and cried many tears. I didn’t think my heart could take any more hurt and worry. Thankfully, he was cleared and sent back to my mom’s house to recover.

Upon leaving my mom’s house, David called. I was alone there with my kids and the van packed. We were walking out the door to drive 5 hours home. David said “There is a mass on my pancreas.”

Needless to say, my world collapsed. I didn’t need anyone to tell me about pancreatic cancer. As a nurse, I’ve seen it too many times. Nearly every mass is cancerous and almost no one survives it.

David had been sick for a long time. He had lost 20 pounds and even his bilirubin had been elevated. Often that is the first sign of pancreatic cancer. I’d seen him lie sick on the couch for days, unable to move with stomach pain and exhaustion. In that moment, I was defeated. It all made sense. I drove home with swollen, bloodshot eyes and tears streaming the whole five hours. I asked God a lot of questions like “Is this how my story is going to go?” “Has our favor run out?” It was like a dagger in my heart I’ve never felt before.

So, there is where our true journey began. The journey of test, studies and procedures. You name it and he had it done. We had to wait to see the only doctor in Chattanooga who could do the actual procedure to look directly at the pancreas. In the meantime, doctors were ruling everything else out. We crossed our fingers every time we completed a new test, hoping the doctor would say, “We found what is causing the pain.” Maybe if they could find it, the pancreas thing would be nothing. But, no one could find anything.

Each and every time, I sat alone, waiting. Once specific time, I was in a conference room that couldn’t have been bigger than 6x4ft. I wanted to pray but my mind kept on imagining. “Is this going to be the place where I find out the bad news?”  “Is this the moment our life officially changes forever?” I even took a picture of the chair across from me where the doctor would sit to deliver the news. Once again, he delivered no bad news. He didn’t even sit in that stupid chair.

My stomach had been in knots since the day David called me in KY. I couldn’t think about anything else. I tried everything to trust God. I tried every way to distract my mind and stay busy. But, that knot in my stomach didn’t go anywhere. It was a constant reminder.

Two weeks after the CT results came, the day arrived. It was time for the big test. The ONE that would tell us what was going on with David’s pancreas. I needed someone to watch my kids again. I needed someone to sit with me at the hospital. I couldn’t sit alone and imagine again. What if the news was bad? How could I handle it alone? My family felt further away than ever.

I reached out. I’m not good at reaching out. But, let me say that I am grateful I did for so many reasons. I didn’t know that there were people who loved so deeply right beside me. We aren’t “home” per say. The home I grew up in is KY. But, isn’t this what “home” is all about? Isn’t it about people who truly love and support one another? There were friends who watched my kids at 5:30am. There were friends that took days off work to keep me busy while I waited on results. I am grateful for the opportunity to see what was there beside me all along.

The doctor finally came out to deliver the results. He said, “I didn’t see anything unusual about the pancreas. It looked normal. There wasn’t even anything to biopsy.”

Psalms 34: 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all.

I haven’t processed all the emotions enough yet to write too much about life “after” our good news was delivered. After all, it was only a few days ago. Of course, we are beyond grateful and give God all the credit.  God has delivered us once again. My story will remain the same. God always comes through. I get to grow old with with man that I married. My kids will have a daddy to see all their great accomplishments.

Strangely, a part of me has felt sad. Why do we get good news and so many people get bad news? There are so many out there who are scared like I was. Do they have support like I did?

There was something completely remarkable about our lives being laid out before God. It’s like we were cut right open and only God controlled our fate. Nothing we could do change or fix a thing. We were helpless. All we could do was wait.

Also, over the years, my faith has become more “reasonable.” I have found myself hesitant to pray for miracles. It’s like my grown-up brain wants to think things like “sometimes bad things happen and we don’t understand it.”

Matthew 14:31 “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Why should I walk around waiting for our good favor to end? What a miserable and sad idea? 

God heals. He changes. He delivers. Nothing is impossible with him. David has felt better than ever since the day the test came back clear. Something happened inside of him. Was it a miracle? Months and months of sickness and now nothing? He’s fine just like that?

This process broke us down and humbled us. I want to stay here. It is the most realistic place.

Isn’t it amazing that the most realistic place of faith is also a place of miracles and dreams?

That grown-up, stuffy place is NOT real. That place in your life where you wonder if God is involved or if he just left you here to survive, it’s not true.  Neither is truth waiting for your luck to run out and the bad news to be delivered.

The truth is that God will supply every need of yours according to his plan!

Phillipians 4:19And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus”



photo copy 8Wide open skies and warm country air.

Very uncharacteristic of late December in Kentucky but very appreciated.

We ran and played on grandmother’s farm for Christmas this year.

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We finally got our hands on growing baby Violet who is almost 6 months old.

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photo copyCozy & familiar things are good.

They help us to settle down.


Recent changes have been a little more difficult on me than anticipated.

Cozy & familiar are nothing of the sorts.

As a mother, a sense of security in my children is important.

I want them to feel at home and peaceful within.

I place a lot of value on this because it is important to me.

With our move, as expected, things were turned up-side-down.

They still are and will probably be for a while.

Why have I been struggling so much with that?


Isaiah 26:3-4 

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Trust in the Lord always,
for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.


I have to re-evaluate.

Is my security found in myself?

Does my peace come from control and perfection?

Are my eyes really fixed on the Lord?

I have to ask myself these questions and be transparent with myself.

Did you know we can lie to ourselves?

It’s called denial.

The answers are not what I wanted to hear.


So, here we go Jesus.

Lesson 500,988,321,764.

I’m having trouble trusting You.

For some crazy reason, I’m finding myself more capable than You, my creator.

This mindset looks like a lot of disappointment and heartbreak for my future.

So, let’s talk about changing it.

Show me how to let go.

I don’t want these frustrating feelings in my heart and now I know why they are there.

I am Yours.

My heart is Yours.

My mind is Yours.

My life is Yours.

My family is Yours.

My days are Yours.

I do not know what is best, You do.

I’m setting my mind on You.

Every moment & every second.

Thanks you Jesus that you love me so much that you show me how to feel better.


This week at my mom’s house in the country has been a gift.

Did I earn such a gift? Probably not.

But God loves me despite whether or not I’m deserving.

my heart.


Good things are happening in Chattanooga…






























Things are currently a bit of a whirlwind

and I’m just along for the ride.

You never know what a day may bring.

But, God is so completely faithful.

This is the beginning of something I can’t see

but feel in my heart.

God is up to something fantastic!

a little wonder.

Back in March, I took some belly pictures of my little sis who is pregnant with her first baby.

And it’s a girl! (Estella is super excited.)

We all thought she had a name all picked out for that baby girl.

Then, just a few days ago, she fell in love with the name Violet and announced it to the world!

Just today, she sent me this photo.

This is one I had taken back in March of my son Roman holding a Violet over her tummy.

Can’t you just see it all happening!

We could assume Roman choosing a Violet and insisting on taking a picture with it on her tummy was a coincidence.

Or we can choose to see what God wanted us to see all along.

There is so much more to life than chance.

There is purpose.

God had a name picked out for this special baby girl all along.

It’s just a little wonder. Just a simple thing that says so much.

He loves us. He blesses us. He prepares our future before we arrive.

He knows Violet, even now before her birth.

Jesus, I love your beautiful story.

And I love that you make our stories beautiful too.

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. Psalm 40:5

with all my love.

Every time I visit the beach, I like to sit before the ocean and ask God to show me something amazing.

The grand nature of it all opens up my mind.

He always does, one way or another.

Sometimes its a change of heart. Sometimes a revelation.

Once I said “God, let me find the perfect shell here on the the beach.”

I like to be amazed my God. I LOVE to say “Wow! God that was incredible!”

I walked just a few steps and found a large beautiful Whelk shell unharmed by the crashing waves.

It was the only unbroken shell on the beach that entire week.

I still have it.

It represented God’s great love and His endless ability to do as He pleases.


Sometimes, I simply like to see my children smile.

So, I may give them a gift or tell them something special that makes them look up at me with loving boundless eyes.

It is as if I see all the way to their hearts.

Their love for me, their mother, gleams forth.

I know God does this same thing for me.

He may bring me a gift or tell me something special.

There was no reason to bring me a perfect shell.

Except that afterwards, I looked up towards Him, with all my love and admired Him.


This morning, I stood on the beach.

My children ran about feeding and chasing the seagulls.

I needed not to ask for something amazing.

I saw it before me in those little human beings with golden hearts and pure thoughts.

I remembered the words Jude had spoken to me earlier in the morning.

“Mommy, I’ll never get lost. I’ll always be with you and

Daddy and Bubby and Estella.”

I knew what his words were conveying. He didn’t fear in that moment he was going to be lost. He was safe in my arms.

He was telling me that we are his world. That he loves us so deeply and that he is happy and grateful for his family.


May my boys grow up to be as devoted and honorable as own their father.

May they love their own created families as much as their father loves ours.

May they resist temptation and hold out for the most significant benefits in life.

May they love God with all their hearts and commit to Him always, never shifting.


There is nothing greater than that which God rewards…