Peace of Mind When your Thoughts are a Jumbled Mess

Peace of Mind When your Thoughts are a Jumbled Mess

Everyday I think of things I’d like to write, to ponder, then I sit at my computer and watch the cursor blink repetitively. The page is blank and the expectations are high. My thoughts escape me as fast as they arrived. It’s myself that holds me back and demands more than can be accomplished. My mind suddenly revolts and my fingers won’t move. So, I’m starting with this, an admission that I can’t necessarily do this, but I’m going to do it anyway.

I will write SOMETHING. I’m going to think this through, reflect and figure something out. It’s a start and a step in the direction I would like to go.

Life truly has so many hardships, so many disappointments. The longer we live, the more they build. Everyone knows this once they’ve lived a while. We carry it all like a weight upon our shoulders. We have so much to do, so much to decide. We trudge through it all and collapse into bed at night as our minds race through the tasks for the following days. We cruelly remind ourselves over and over that we should be free and that our days should represent peace, kindness and love. We know it doesn’t have to be this way, but how do we dig out of the mess in our minds? Our hopes and dreams seem like they should be given up, because they don’t seem attainable any longer. Our souls long for quiet, thoughtful moments, but our minds relinquish those things. Demands, clutter and confusion completely devour us, and we let them.

Today, all I need to know is that is doesn’t have to be this way. This is my beginning. I breathe deeply, taking in the prospect of a new way of living, a new way of feeling.

We find in the Bible that Habakkuk was very overcome on all sides. Discouraging situations were building up around him. When I read his words, I can relate to my own disgruntlement, my own frustrations. However, he looks at these problems in a different way than I do most days.

Habakkuk says, “I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint.” Habakkuk 2:1

Habakkuk is looking and listening. He has hope in the fact that this isn’t the way it will always be. This is where I so often go wrong. Habakkuk sees a problem and he goes to God. I do that. I go to God over and over, but I often don’t listen and watch for the reply. I don’t feel for the subtle movements in my soul. Habakkuk is so sure that God has an answer that he doesn’t even consider it hopeless. God tells him to write it down, so it will be a testimony for the future.

Write down the vision (or revelation), clearly write it down so one may easily read it. For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and it will not lie. Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly come and not be late.” Habakkuk 2: 2-3

So, this is me writing it down today, here for the world to see. My “vision” from the Lord is simply a picture what a life of peace would look and feel like. It’s my desire for it. Its hard to imagine getting there, but I know it would be a very good thing. I know that I would feel closer to God and that I would feel better. I know that life would slow down and my mind would settle. I would see God in more things. Because this vision of my life lines up with the Bible, and because it is a righteous desire, I know that it is from God. We often think revelations or visions must be big things, but mostly they aren’t. Mostly, they regard the small, everyday happenings.

The Lord gives peace to his people, the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11

It’s out there, this peace Psalm 29 talks discusses. But, where do we find it? It’s attainability is absolutely not impossible, or else the Bible would be untrue. We each have our own pathway though. My intuition tells me that all of us should watch and listen like Habakkuk once did. “I will look to see what He will say to me…” Start slowly. Just listen. Listen to your heart & soul and discover what God may be asking of you, what revelation he may be trying to give you. Write it down and try to clearly decipher one thought from another, your own selfish thoughts from those directed by God.

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” Martin Luther King Jr.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the whole picture. Even Martin Luther King Jr. knew this concept well as he tackled some of the greatest challenges in history.

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Daydreams

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I love summer mornings on my mom’s farm.

The air is hollow. We rock on the porch and feel the breeze. We talk and watch them run and play.

Beads of dew on the grass and my pulse slows.

Clouds puff up early and the sun melts them away.

Deer prance in the pasture and God finds His way into my daydreams.

 

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God is Stronger… by Roman Huff

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(Interpretation)

God is stronger.
God is stronger than anyone else in the universe – like the Hulk or Superman or anyone else you know. God is loving and kind and he is great. I love my God. He died for our sins. I pray all the time. Sometimes I cry because I love Him more than anyone else in the world. Actually, I’m crying right now and praying right now.
The end. From Roman.
Made April Tuesday 9, 2013
 

You can imagine how my heart melted just now when I found these printed words.

Roman, my 6 year old son, typed and printed this with no prompting or assistance.

It isn’t the spelling or grammar that is so stunning.

It is the heartfelt words of my sweet boy who knows the love of Jesus.

He said that these are the lyrics to a song he wrote and wants to sing on the microphone.

I asked him if he really cried and he said “I had one little tear.”

Of all my days as a mommy, today is one of my most happy and thankful so far.

Transparency

photo copy 8Wide open skies and warm country air.

Very uncharacteristic of late December in Kentucky but very appreciated.

We ran and played on grandmother’s farm for Christmas this year.

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We finally got our hands on growing baby Violet who is almost 6 months old.

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photo copyCozy & familiar things are good.

They help us to settle down.

………………….

Recent changes have been a little more difficult on me than anticipated.

Cozy & familiar are nothing of the sorts.

As a mother, a sense of security in my children is important.

I want them to feel at home and peaceful within.

I place a lot of value on this because it is important to me.

With our move, as expected, things were turned up-side-down.

They still are and will probably be for a while.

Why have I been struggling so much with that?

…………………..

Isaiah 26:3-4 

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Trust in the Lord always,
for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.

……………………

I have to re-evaluate.

Is my security found in myself?

Does my peace come from control and perfection?

Are my eyes really fixed on the Lord?

I have to ask myself these questions and be transparent with myself.

Did you know we can lie to ourselves?

It’s called denial.

The answers are not what I wanted to hear.

………………………

So, here we go Jesus.

Lesson 500,988,321,764.

I’m having trouble trusting You.

For some crazy reason, I’m finding myself more capable than You, my creator.

This mindset looks like a lot of disappointment and heartbreak for my future.

So, let’s talk about changing it.

Show me how to let go.

I don’t want these frustrating feelings in my heart and now I know why they are there.

I am Yours.

My heart is Yours.

My mind is Yours.

My life is Yours.

My family is Yours.

My days are Yours.

I do not know what is best, You do.

I’m setting my mind on You.

Every moment & every second.

Thanks you Jesus that you love me so much that you show me how to feel better.

……………………

This week at my mom’s house in the country has been a gift.

Did I earn such a gift? Probably not.

But God loves me despite whether or not I’m deserving.