tug-of-war.

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There is a war waging for our hearts, to shut them down and disable those who love Jesus.

I feel it stronger than ever before. I went away for a women’s retreat and found God in a place I hadn’t visited for a while. Not a physical place, but a place of depth within my soul. I found Him waiting for me for to crawl through the haze and reach Him.

There is power in people, in bodies who hold the same spirit. When we are together and dig down deep, our spirits unite and God seems to swell up and make Himself known in a way no one can deny. There is strength in unity and love. There is strength in wanting and needing God. There is strength in honesty and humility.

We found God. Anyone who was there can confirm that their hearts melted into one big pile of butter!

That is where I am finding myself now. I am butter before God. The moment I begin to worship Him, whether in my car or church, read the Bible or pray, there He is. I feel Him close and my eyes continue to instantly well up with tears. It’s like all that “stuff” that was between Him and I has diminished. I don’t have to work as hard to find Him. I don’t feel like He is a million miles away. He is close and I trust Him.

But, I have a feeling that something doesn’t like it.

I feel a strong pressure in my weaker moments to collapse, to give my thoughts back to the one who confines them. It feels like spiritual tug-of-war. Satan sees power in the hands of those whose hearts and minds move freely within God’s will. My days, since being home, have been harder than ever. I’ve thought things like “I should have just stayed in bed today.” On the other hand, my moments with God have been richer than ever. He is worth it. I choose to fight this fight against the one who devours. Our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil. (Ephesians 6:12)

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 121:1-3

If this is you, I encourage you to fight. Lift your eyes up and realize where your help comes from! He is worth it! 

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