Honestly, I’ve spend many days completely miserable. I can’t lift my eyes off all the things I need to do. I go about everything half-heartedly. I give everything I feel I have to give while missing out on all the good stuff in those relationships. Who has time for conversation and laughter when misery and chores await you?
I have a free spirited, strong-willed school age boy who NEVER gets tired and NEVER stops talking. I have a stubborn toddler who needs to prove he is in charge of himself ALL the time. I have a sweet baby girl who likes to nurse every three hours and be held and fussed over all the other hours in between. I should be able to manage all three of the children, home educate, cook three meals a day, keep up with the laundry and keep the house tidy very easily right? I didn’t even mention working part-time, making time for my very understanding husband and for GOD!
It’s actually very hard.
I’ve found I can actually do all those things. I can complete them if I set my alarm to get up before everyone else to get a head start. Then, I need to stay up late after everyone is in bed to finish things up. I can not take breaks to REALLY listen to what my children are asking. I cannot stop and play ball or blow bubbles. I can’t go and look when they want to show me something. I most definitely cannot watch a single TV program or even stop to have an adult conversation with my husband.
Here is the problem with that scenario.
There is no laughing or dreaming. Most of the time, if I’m running in super mom mode, my thoughts are scattered. I become physically exhausted. Everything frustrates me. Nothing goes as planned or ever works fast enough. Eventually, things always fall apart…
So, I’ve decided I need an attitude adjustment.
It’s funny how perspective works. I can cause myself to feel miserable or delighted about the same circumstances on different days. It just depends on how I decide to look at my day.
If I were day dreaming 10 years ago, I would have envisioned the exact portrait as the one above. My husband took it of my children and me two days ago. I would not change a single thing about my world. I am literally living a dream. Why do I choose to ruin some of my moments with pessimistic thoughts and perfectionism? And even if things weren’t so perfect, there is always good to be found.
I’m slowing down, gathering my thoughts and resting in God.